Time to cover our faces with war paint for no real reason! ARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Ahhhhh, it’s Saturday. We were just hit with a massive snowstorm after a week of reasonably spring-like weather. What better way to spend time indoors than to watch popcorn gamer bizarreness.

So I watched the latest episode of The Tester Season 3, and… wow.

At the top of the show, “Kristi Pryde” and “BurnNibelheim” lament the loss of “Asuukaa” and are hatin’ on “Suzkaiden”; claiming that she really wasn’t a real gamer, she doesn’t want it as much as the others, etc. Do you get the feeling that this is gonna come back to bite them?

“Suzkaiden” and “Reality Palez” are still working on their faux Survivor alliance and were deciding who should be the third member. Someone weak that they can carry along until the end. Everyone else seems to be stronger than “Suz” to be honest, so good luck with that.

Then comes the next challenge: a team obstacle course. Sounds fun, yea? At the end, each team member has to fling a cantaloupe at a target using a slingshot contraption. Team with the fastest time wins. And the prize? They get a copy of “Uncharted: Drake’s Journal” signed by the voice of Nathan Drake himself, Nolan North. And Mr. Manly Drake will pay the winning team a visit.

So what are the teams?

Tan team:

• “BurnNibelheim”
• “Suzkaiden”
• “Egoraptor”
• “Ninjanomyx”
• “Akileez Might”

Black Team:

• “Skyd1ddy”
• “J-Tight”
• “Kristi Pryde”
• “KwajaMonster”
• “Reality Palez”

Can you tell this is gonna end well? You think it won’t? Yea, I didn’t so either. “Burn” and “Suz” buried the hatchet in each others’ backs. Er, I mean, cleaned the slate. So now they’re buddies. YAYS! (>_>)

Tan Team went first. Everyone had to carry as many cantaloupes as they can across the obstacle course. First hiccup: “Burn” wasn’t carrying anything. Now, if one did poorly in the previous challenge (as in, didn’t do anything) wouldn’t you want to prove your worth? I know I would…

So, the Team makes it to the sling, and they started shooting shooting their delicious ammo. Or at least tried to. Seems they were having trouble. “Burn” started, but got frustrated and stepped aside to let someone else try. “Ego” struts up and smacks a target down right away. BOOM! He runs off to get more ammo. Gotta keep ‘em topped up!

“Suz” got her target almost right away, but then decides to keep shooting because she didn’t think she hit her initial target (even though Meredith yelled, “Two targets down!”). She tried to be a team player and help “Burn” out until she was told to back off by the judges. “Burn” hits her target eventually, and “Ninja” and “Akileez” smacks theirs rather quickly. Hooray!

Now it’s time for the other team. “Skyd1ddy” takes off like a bat outta hell, doing (as “Kwaja” puts it) “his Ninja shit”. He gets to the sling first and had some trouble, but he eventually gets it. The rest of the team had some difficulty, but they did well. “Skyd1ddy” decides to crack open a cantaloupe and drink its juices like it as Ambrosia. Wonder what he would do to a box of Wheaties.

Most people crack open a bottle of campaign to celebrate. Not "Skyd1ddy". Drink in that Vitamin C!

Ultimately, the Black Team won… by one minute. Dang.

At the loft, the Tan Team discussed what they felt went wrong. They decided that they all did the best that they could do and that was that. Seems like the mature thing to do. But this is The Tester, where “maturity” is a dirty word.

All of a sudden, Mr. Nolan Manly comes into the loft, and he and “J-Tight” were locked in the Manly Hug of Manliness. I must say… Mr. North is a FINE lookin’ man.

What would've made this moment awesome is if they'd play "Run To You" by Whitney Houston in the background.

So he hangs out with the winners and gives them the chance to try out “Uncharted: Golden Abyss” on the Vita as well as the usual pep talk from industry insider person. Meanwhile, “Burn” is bummed because she knows she’s on the chopping block. But “Kristi” and “Kwaja” go to her and the three of them form some Girl Power Alliance with the goal of getting “Suz” outta there.

At the panel, when the judges asked the losers why they didn’t succeed, “Burn” pipes up and says “Suzkaiden” wasted time by throwing cantaloupes. Not going down without a fight, “Suzkaiden” points out that not only did she tried to help out her fellow girly teammate, but that “Burn” didn’t help carry any ammo. The Girl Power Alliance spoke up and said “Suzkaiden” should go, while “Reality Palez” comes to “Suzkaiden”‘s defence (’cause if she goes, there won’t be anyone weak for him to prey upon). The judges say screw that and went straight to… “Egoraptor”?

The panel pointed out that he should’ve gone home Episode 1, but they let him stay. Then he was on the losing team on Episode 2. And now, even though he hit his target immediately, he didn’t stick around to help; opting instead to get more ammo. So they give him the boot.

… eh? I admit, I wasn’t too thrilled with how Mr. “Raptor” conducted himself in the first challenge, but whatever. He didn’t even get a chance to do his part in the second challenge, and I feel like if he did, he would’ve done his part. And now, he did what he was supposed to do (hit his target) and helped his team out by making sure they had enough ammo to get through the challenge as quickly as possible. I get the feeling that if he’d stayed behind to coach the others, the judges would’ve accused him of not helping the team by getting more ammo.

So that’s it, yea? Nope! Another elimination!

There should’ve been a double elimination Episode 1, but there wasn’t. So now the panel’s come to collect. Oh snap! So who else goes? Check out the Episode to see (but you could probably guess, really):

The Tester™ 3 Episode 3

There are MANY dislikes for this vid on YouTube. Nerd rage abound because “Egoraptor” is no longer there. Most people said they’ll stop watching now. Personally I’ll tune in next time, if only because Capcom Community Awesome Man Seth Killian will be on. And Mr. Killian boosts Awesome Levels by over 9000.

This Show Tests My Patience At Times

• Minee Musings — The Tester Season 3 Premiere
• Minee Musings — The Tester Season 3, Episode 2
• Minee Musings — The Tester, Season 2

***************************************************************************************************

Surprise! Double Elimination! Did you see it coming? How do you feel about the judges’ decisions? Who do you feel should’ve gone home? Go ahead and vent in the Comments Section!